Taken from http://bosanchez.ph/the-only-thing-that-can-heal-your-emotional-wounds/

This is true and so powerful to get ourselves healed… I love this article and I hope many people can be inspired from his writing and be healed. Amen.

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The Only Thing That Can Heal Your Emotional Wounds?

Have you been hurt before?

Have you ever been rejected by others? Ridiculed? Maligned? Gossiped about?

Have you been cheated? Betrayed? Lied to? Stolen from?

If your answer is yes, then I’m writing to the right person.

That means you have emotional wounds, and my big message for you is that there’s only one thing that can heal your wounds.

Let me start by talking about something of great cosmological and eternal significance: My bloody ingrown toenail.

Sometimes called hangnail.

Let me translate that in Pilipino: hangnail iskukong nagbigti.

Anyway, would you believe my ingrown toenail lasted for two years? Because the nail kept re-growing, puncturing my wound again and again. The wound got infected and my entire toe was filled with foul-smelling yellow pus. (I apologize for grossing you out. I’m actually doing it on purpose and having fun.)

This is my claim to sainthood. If St. Francis of Assisi had his stigmata, I had my two-year old bloody ingrown toenail.

After two years, my mother scared me to death and said if the wound doesn’t get well, they might have to cut off my toe.

I loved my toe.

So I visited a doctor. And he said he had to pull out half of my toenail. I fainted.

I still remember that fateful day. The anesthesia didn’t work because of the pus. So I felt like San Lorenzo Ruiz who was tortured in the same way. (Please mention this tiny detail in my sainthood application.)

Here’s how the Doc did it.

Step 1: He pushed his scissors in between my nail and my toe, all the way to the very end. The pain was so horrific, I was ready to recant anything he told me to recant. Even my love for peanut butter.

Step 2: He cut my entire toenail into two. “Snap!”

Step 3: He got his metal pliers and yanked out half of my toenail. Blood and pus spurt like a little fountain.

But it worked.

My wound was now free to heal itself. What lasted for two years took only a few days to heal.

Why am I telling you this gory story?

To tell you that your emotional wounds are just like physical wounds. Bitterness is like the ingrown—it keeps the original wound alive by puncturing it again and again. So your emotional wound doesn’t heal.

And your soul gets infected.

If you’re not careful, the emotional wound can grow until it amputates parts of you, slowly killing you.

I’ve met people like these.

I pity them so much. They’re like the living dead. They are alive but they’re dead.

Like Minette, for instance.

Pressing The Rewind Button Again

Minette’s husband left her three years ago.

But when you talk to her, it was like it happened yesterday.

Adultery is one of the deepest wounds a human heart can have. After entrusting your entire life to one person, that one person betrays that trust.

But I believe even the emotional wound of adultery can be healed. I’ve met many wives whose husbands became unfaithful—and they were able to move on by the power of forgiveness.

But Minette couldn’t forgive.

Because everyday, she pressed the “Rewind” button of the most hurtful scenes.

Today, Minette has cancer. It doesn’t take a psychologist to connect the dots. Her bitterness was eating up her body as well.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

I should know.

I Forgive For Selfish Reasons

I was sexually molested twice, not by strangers on the street, but by an older cousin and by my own youth group leader. William Blake said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” That’s so true.

Those traumatic events warped my thinking, opened my life to addictions, and gave me self-contempt that would affect my entire life. I hated myself. I was ashamed of myself. Oh yes, my wounds were deep.

Yet in my heart, I’ve forgiven them. Totally.

I’ve released the bitterness in my soul.

Why?

Because of a very selfish reason.

Remember: Forgiveness is first of all a gift you give yourself.

I forgave because I wanted peace.

I wanted to move on with my life.

I wanted to get rid of the emotional baggage.

I wanted to be free.

And today, I am!

Let me share with you one more personal experience…

When You Forgive, You Bless Your Future

Many years ago, I started a tiny business with a friend. I was the investor and he was the guy who ran the show.

One day, I saw him with a new cell phone. A really cool, top-of-the-line thing that had everything you could think of—camera, video-cam, GPRS, missile guidance system, and an umbrella.

“Wow, that’s a great cell phone,” I said.

“This is a gift. Someone gave it to me,” he said.

The next time we meet, he brought a new laptop.

“That’s really nice,” I said.

“Oh, this is also a gift…,” he said.

A few months later, the business collapsed.

After looking at the records, I realized I was the one who gave them to him!

He was stealing from the business.

A year later, he came to me and asked for forgiveness. I forgave him even before he asked for forgiveness.

Here’s the reason why I forgave him.

Again, I did it for selfish reasons. I didn’t want to waste any of my time and energy trying to get the money back. Instead, I wanted to use all my time and energy to earn ten times what I lost. I used my frustration to create more wealth. I wanted to focus on the future, not the past. I wanted to focus on my dreams, not my wounds.

Imagine if you lost one peso. And you have two options: Spend one hour looking for that one peso or spend that same hour earning P100 somewhere else?

A bitter person will choose the first option. Crazy but true.

Today, let me report to you: I’ve earned many, many times what I lost from that tiny business.  This is the power of forgiveness. It heals your wound and blesses your future. That’s why I believe forgiveness is one of God’s greatest inventions!

Let me tell you how to forgive…

Stage One: Get Angry

Forgiveness is not a one-stage process.

It’s a two-stage process.

Here they are…

Stage One: Get angry.

Stage Two: Release the anger.

That’s it.

Don’t be shocked, but anger is the first stage of forgiveness.

You have to admit the hurt.

You have to acknowledge the pain.

You have to say, “What he did to me was wrong.”

Some people think forgiveness is pretending nothing bad happened. That’s not true. If you’re angry, feel the anger.

But you must express your anger in a non-hurtful way, without screaming or attacking. Bring your anger before God. Share your pain to a few trusted friends. Ask for prayer. Go ahead, cry. Offer your tears to God.

Anger heals because it’s about loving yourself—and love always heals. Anger means you’re standing up for you. As an abuse victim, I had to do this. Anger is needed to rebuild my broken personal boundaries.

How long should you stay in Stage One?

Not too long.

Because anger has an expiry date.

How Long Have You Been Angry?

Here’s the truth: Bitterness and anger is one and the same thing. But Bitterness is anger past its expiry date.

Let me illustrate.

I love spaghetti.

Served hot, it’s wonderful.

But left on the kitchen counter for a whole day, it may still be good but be careful.

After two days, you may get an upset stomach.

After one week, there’ll be more germs than spaghetti. At that point, the plate of spaghetti has become poison

Just like anger.

If anger stays too long in your heart, your anger no longer heals but kills. When anger turns into bitterness, it’s poison.

The Bible says, “the sun must not go down in your anger.”

I believe it. Except perhaps for severe wounds (like abuse, adultery, betrayal, etc.), I feel Stage One should not last for more than a day. I’m talking about the regular hurts we encounter everyday. Before nightfall, move onto Stage two.

But deeper wounds may need weeks or even months of anger and grief. For deeper wounds, I believe there’s no clear divide between Stage One and Two. There’ll be an overlap. But your movement must be towards Stage Two.

Because that’s where the real magic happens.

Stage Two: Release Anger

In Stage Two, you decide to forgive. Key word: Decide.

It’s not about feeling, but about willing. The feelings of anger can linger (that’s normal) but the decision has already been made in your heart.

Remember, Love is a decision, not just a feeling. If forgiveness is love, then forgiveness is a decision too.

But here’s a very important footnote:Forgiveness isn’t necessarily bringing back the relationship to where it was before. If you caught your boyfriend cheating on you, what should you do? Forgive him! But that doesn’t mean you have to get back with him again. That’s all up to you.

Let’s say you caught your boyfriend cheating on you twice. What should you do? Again, you have to forgive him. Now, do you get back into his arms? If you’re a psychotic with sadomasochistic tendencies, go ahead. Your desires will be granted.

Forgiveness is also not opening up yourself to more hurt. For example, if your alcoholic husband beat you up, you still need to forgive him; But do you back into the house? No way. You run away and never see him until he gets counselling and stops drinking for 6 months.

Forgiveness Heals The “Enemy”

The cousin who molested me has long been dead. So forgiving him in my heart was enough.

The youth group leader who sexually abused me is still alive. After 30 years, I have yet to face him. You see, I reported his name to a Bishop, asking that he be barred from doing any religious work until he gets help for his perversion. I had to protect other young boys who may be working with him. He has yet to come to me to ask for forgiveness. But even if he does not, I’ve forgiven him—and sent that “spiritually” to him.

The guy who stole money? As I said, he asked for forgiveness, and I was able to say to him, “I forgive you.”

When you forgive someone, you also offer healing to that person. Whether he accepts it or not is not your concern.

And by some magic, you don’t only heal yourself and the other person. You also heal all your loved ones.

Forgiveness Heals Everyone In Your Life

Imagine a room of ten people.

And one person there stepped on poop. (Sorry, my article is really gross today—about ingrowns and poop. But bitterness is gross.) Slowly, everyone in the room smells the awful stench. Only one person has the poop, but everyone is affected by it.

Bitterness is like that.

It wounds everyone. Your family. Your friends.

Bitterness is an evil spirit and people feel it. They smell the poison. They sense it. They want to run away.

Sometimes, when I enter a home filled with conflicts, I feel the collective wound of the family. You cannot breathe.

But when a person forgives, he’s like opening a window in a smelly room because one person stepped on poop. Fresh air comes in. If bitterness wounds everyone, forgiveness heals everyone too.

My last story is a story that I created, adapted from other sources. Be blessed as you read it.

The Son Who Hated His Father

“Hi John,” the priest greeted his favorite nephew.

“Fr. Chris,” the young man said, his voice betraying his troubled soul.

The cleric felt so much pity for the teen. “I heard you’re having problems with your father.”

A frown formed on John’s face. “You know him. He’s your brother. You know he’s impossible to deal with. He’s so selfish. He’s so cruel…” He fought back his tears.

“Tell you what, son,” the priest tried to sound encouraging, “let’s pray for him.” He stood up and pinned the photo of the boy’s father on the wall.

“What’s that?” John asked. The sight of his father’s face stung him. He clenched his fists.

The priest said, “It’s just a way to help us pray for him. It’ll be our visual connection to your father.”

“But I don’t want to pray for him!” the young man shouted.

At that moment, the phone rang. “Excuse me, son,” Fr. Chris said, “let me answer this call and I’ll get back to you right away.” He left the room.

John found himself alone, staring at the photo of a man he despised with his entire being. Seething with rage, he saw a knife on the kitchen counter. On impulse, he grabbed it and ran back to the photo of his father. “I hate you!” he screamed, and stabbed the photo many, many times.

That was when Fr. Chris ran back. “Oh my God…,” The priest said, as he could only look in horror.

His energy spent, John thrust the knife into the photo one last time.

He took one step backward, panting.

“John, I had other photos there,” Fr. Chris said.

“What?” The young man looked at the priest.

Fr. Chris walked to the wall and removed the damaged photo.

John couldn’t believe his eyes.

Because underneath it was John’s photo. Also torn.

The priest explained. “After praying for your father, I wanted to pray for you, John.”

The young man looked at his damaged photo. His face was torn, punctured by the same stabbing he himself made.

Tears rolled down his cheeks.

But even as his vision blurred, John noticed that there was something else behind his torn photo.

He pulled it off the wall.

Underneath his photo was the picture of Jesus, His face, also torn, also wounded.

And John collapsed on his knees, and wept for a long time.

— 0 —

This is the ultimate reason why we forgive: Because even if we sin against God, He still forgives us. We don’t deserve His love, but He loves us anyway.

Heal yourself, my friend.

Forgive anyone who has wronged you.

May your dreams come true,

Bo Sanchez

Today I learned that, in 400ish AD, the “organization of the church was in many respects hierarchical: deacons and priests administered the sacraments and took care of their ‘flock.’  The bishop was the ‘overseer’ of each Christian city.  The bishops of Rome and Jerusalem held special places of honor among the other bishops.” from my HISTORY class. Again, from my HISTORY class (not RELIGION nor THEOLOGY class!).

Doesn’t this say that a fact about the past? But why some people reject this and say that nothing like hierarchy (deacons, bishops, priests), sacraments, etc. exist? Does HISTORY matter? I think religion, theology, history, etc have to go together and we have to consider all things… & not rejecting one and accepting another to suit our thoughts…. But instead, we have to find the facts…

Teman2 dalam Tubuh Mistik Kristus,

Semakin jauh aku belajar dan membaca soal doa dan spiritualitas, semakin aku menemukan bahwa doa adalah relasi dan persatuan dengan Tuhan yang dilaksanakan dengan bahasa berdoa (yg bisa berbeda2) untuk mencapai tujuan akhir yang sama, yaitu persatuan denganNya. Artikel di bawah ini ditulis berdasarkan St. Yohanes dari Salib yang intinya mengatakan bahwa karismatik dan kontemplatif bisa berjalan bareng, karena inti akhirnya sama.

Justru pengalaman2 rohani (yg biasa, atau yg supernatural seperti di kegiatan karismatik) malah akan menjadi penghambat kalau tujuan akhirnya tidak membuat orang semakin bersatu dengan Tuhan, dan malah terfokus pada pengalaman tersebut saja, bukan pada Allah sendiri. Namun dia juga tidak melarang penggunaan karunia2 karismatis juga walaupun memberikan “nasihat” akan hal ini.

Baca selengkapnya untuk menangkap apa maksud St. Yohanes dari Salib tentang hal ini.. Pretty interesting imo.. =)

[Emphasis added]
…

Pada masa-masa ini saya tetap melanjutkan aktifitas saya berbicara di banyak acara yang berorientasi keapda pembaruan karismatik di berbagai tempat di dunia, tetapi juga dalam acara-acara lain, termasuk retret-retret dan konferensi-konferensi Karmelit. Saya secara rutin bertemu seseorang yang mengatakan kepada saya begini: “Dulu saya karismatik tetapi sekarang saya kontemplatif.” Atau, dari sudut lain, “Saya lebih menyukai doa kontemplatif yang tenang dan tidak akan pernah menjadi karismatik.” Atau: “Bagaimana Anda dapat mendorong pelaksanaan (ungkapan) karunia-karunia karismatik? Tidakkah Anda sadari apa yang Yohanes Salib katakan tentang pengalaman-pengalaman rohani semacam ini?”

Sepertinya ada kesan umum bahwa karismatik dan kontemplatif itu bertentangan satu sama lain, dan bukannya saling melengkapi, dan bahwa Yohanes Salib mengecam penggunaan karunia-karunia karismatik. Saya ingin menyampaikan beberapa refleksi tentang masalah ini yang harapannya bisa menjadi pertimbangan ulang dari asumsi-asumsi semacam ini, yang saya percaya, bahwa asumsi semacam itu salah, dan tidak benar-benar menggambarkan posisi Yohanes Salib yang sebenarnya atau kebeanran sebagaimana disampaikan oleh Kitab Suci dan Kuasa Mengajar Gereja. Ada banyak masalah yang harus dibahas, tetapi marilah kita fokus kepada salah satunya saja dulu.

Apakah Yohanes Salib Mengecam Penggunaan Karunia Karismatik?
Dengan membaca Yohanes Salib, kita tahu bahwa perhatian utamanya adalah menunjukkan bagaimana segala yang lain daripada Allah sendiri dapat menjadi suatu kesulitan-suatu halangan, yang memperlambat, atau mengalihkan kita dari kemajuan kearah tujuan akhir persatuan seperti dalam Beatific Vision (Pandangan Terberkati, atau dalam sejumlah bentuk komunikasi spiritual yang juga merupakan partisipasi aktual dari persatuan semacam itu).

Salah satu kontribusi Yohanes Salib yang paling penting adalah pandangannya yang seperti laser yang menunjukkan kepada kita bahwa pengalaman yang paling rohani sekalipun dapat berfungsi sebagai halangan untuk bersatu dengan Allah jika kita mencarinya atau terikat dengannya. Yohanes mengakui bahwa Allah memberikan pengalaman-pengalaman ini karena berbagai macam alasan, termasuk kelemahan manusiawi kita, tetapi ia mendorong kita agar tidak terikat dengannya, tetapi untuk membiarkan rahmat dari pengalaman itu memperdalam iman, harapan, dan kasih dalam hidup kita.

…

Berkaitan dengan orang yang memperoleh manfaat dari pelaksanaan karunia-karunia ini, Yohanes Salib menekankan bahwa walaupun baik tubuh kita ini disembuhkan, setan diusir dan keaslian nubuat mengilhami dan memperingatkan orang, sukacita karena pemberian sementara ini janganlah terlalu besar (“manfaat sementara dari karya supranatural dan mukjizat hanya sedikit atau bahkan tidak mendatangkan sukacita bagi jiwa”), kecuali jiwa yang mengalami manfaat ini, berbalik kepada Allah dan menjadi dipersatukan atau dipersatukan lebih dalam dengan-Nya. Sebagaimana dinyatakan Yesus, ada sukacita besar di surga jika ada satu orang bertobat. Ungkapan sukacita yang lebih penuh sepatutnya dikhususkan bagi apa yang memiliki nilai abadi seperti pertobatan sejati dan berbalik kepada Allah.

…

Baca selengkapnya di: http://way-perfection.blogspot.com/2009/10/karismatik-dan-kontemplatif-apa-kata.html

Atau yg aslinya dalam bhs ingris:
http://renewalministries.net/pdfs/Char_Cont..pdf

http://www.usccb.org/nab/bible/catletters.htm

Comments from USCCB:

“In addition to the thirteen letters attributed to Paul and the Letter to the Hebrews, the New Testament contains seven other letters. Three of these are attributed to John, two to Peter, and one each to James and Jude, all personages of the apostolic age. The term “catholic letter” first appears, with reference only to 1 John, in the writings of Apollonius of Ephesus, a second- century apologist, known only from a citation in Eusebius’s Ecclesiastical History. Eusebius himself (A.D. 260-340) used the term to refer to all seven letters.

The reason for the term “catholic,” which means “universal,” was the perception that these letters, unlike those of Paul, which were directed to a particular local church, were apparently addressed more generally to the universal church. This designation is not entirely accurate, however. On the one hand, Hebrews has no specifically identified addressees, and originally this was probably true of Ephesians as well. On the other hand, 3 John is addressed to a named individual, 2 John to a specific, though unnamed, community, and 1 Peter to a number of churches that are specified as being located in Asia Minor.

While all seven of these writings begin with an epistolary formula, several of them do not appear to be real letters in the modern sense of the term. In the ancient world it was not unusual to cast an exhortation in the form of a letter for literary effect, a phenomenon comparable to the “open letter” that is sometimes used today.

With the exception of 1 Peter and 1 John, the ancient church showed reluctance to include the catholic letters in the New Testament canon. The reason for this was widespread doubt whether they had actually been written by the apostolic figures to whom they are attributed. The early Christians saw the New Testament as the depository of apostolic faith; therefore, they wished to include only the testimony of apostles. Today we distinguish more clearly between the authorship of a work and its canonicity: even though written by other, later witnesses than those whose names they bear, these writings nevertheless testify to the apostolic faith and constitute canonical scripture. By the late fourth or early fifth centuries, most objections had been overcome in both the Greek and Latin churches (though not in the Syriac), and all seven of the catholic letters have since been acknowledged as canonical.”

Predestination of Calvin says that God elects some people to be saved and some people to be damned in absolute.  Below is some explanation why Predestination of Calvin is contrary to the God who is Love and God who intends to save all mankind.

If Predestination of Calvin is true, then do you know that you are part of the elect or the damned? Can we say God is Love above all? Isn’t it man’s fault, not God’s, if he doesn’t go to heaven?

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I realize the sweeping nature of this judgment. To those who disagree, all I can say is go back and reread the New Testament. If you still disagree, then consider what it means for God to be an eternal trinitarian community of absolute and infinite love. Consider what it means that the eternal Son of God should assume human nature, should bear the sins of humanity unto suffering and death, should rise again as the New Adam and ascend to the right hand of the Father. And then go back and reread the New Testament.

The God and Father of Jesus Christ intends the eternal salvation of every human being he has made and will make, without exception. If God did not die on the cross for the sins of mankind, then he does not truly desire “all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth” and the Apostle Paul is made a liar (1 Tim 2:4). If God has unconditionally reprobated just one person, then God is not absolute love. If God has chosen to rescue from the damnable mass of humanity only some but not all, then he is not Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

I have heard all the counter-arguments. I have read the predestinarian exegesis of the controverted biblical texts. I have listened to the rhetoric about how God is glorified by the reprobation of the ungodly, that his decision to elect some but “pass over” the rest must be truly just, though we cannot presently fathom its justice. Not only am I not persuaded but I am offended to the core of my being…

Why do Western Christians fear God? Might not it be because the God who saves and damns in absolute, inscrutable determination still haunts our imaginations? When confronted with such a deity, we will always urgently ask the question “How can I get a gracious God?” Hidden deep below all conscious thought lies the knowledge that perhaps, just perhaps, God has abandoned us, abandoned “me,” unto perdition. And so God himself becomes our enemy. The holy Creator becomes Satan!

http://pontifications.wordpress.com/2007/12/15/disbelieving-the-predestinarian-god/

“The Eastern Church no longer practices this Apostolic Tradition [i.e. mandatory clerical celibacy] because what had changed at Council of Trullo…”

I’ve seen several claims like this before and I tend to disagree.

Why?

Because:

1. So many Catholics don’t know that the Catholic Church is a communion of Churches and is not uniform…!

2. Not many Catholics understand of even aware that Eastern Catholics exist on earth…!

3. 99% of Catholics are Roman Catholics (Latin Catholics who follows the Roman Rite). Only 1% are Eastern Catholics and they consists of many Churches from different Rites or traditions.

3. Most of the Roman Catholics don’t keep in touch with the Eastern Catholics

4. History shows that Latinization (this is cruel and stupid) happened for a while and it hurted many many Eastern Catholics so that many of them went to Orthodoxy.

5. Many people who don’t understand Eastern Catholic Churches were educated in Roman Catholic Church ONLY without any exposure to the “other lung”.

6. Prejudice happened when seeing people/Churches that are different but claim to be Catholic also…

7. etc

I don’t think we can say right away that celibate priests are from Apostolic Tradition and the married priest are not from Apostolic Tradition… And of course we cannot say that the Roman Catholic Church is more superior, more true, or follows the Scripture/Tradition more compared to the Eastern Catholic Churches. I think the theological expressions and doctrine developments among them are not uniform, and all these affect the Church developments in each place in the form of doctrines or emphases. The mindset that Roman Catholic Church/tradition is more true (and the Eastern Catholic tradition isn’t supposed to be followed because it is not really true), in my opinion, must be thought well and thrown away. Raising one side and lowering the other ones directly or indirectly is not good of course because all are within the communion of Catholic Churches.

The context I’m talking about is within the Catholic Church itself (where history shows that Latinization had happened and hurted the Eastern Catholic Churches), not about Protestanism.

What I want to share is written on this writing [the link] by a Byzantine Catholic who studied at Franciscan University of Steubenville and Duquesne University (Roman Caholic Universities of course). It’ll be interesting to see what he has written get discussed by those who believe that the Eastern Church has left the Apostolic Tradition about clerical celibacy.

http://www.east2west.org/mandatory_clerical_celibacy.htm

During his homily, the Holy Father told…that Christ suffered for the salvation of the world, because there is an ocean of evil, hatred and injustice, and many victims of this evil find a path on the river of goodness, truth, and a love greater than injustice.

The pope remarked on his encyclical Caritas in veritate, saying he wanted to show that God comes first in the personal lives of mankind and in history. He said that the omnipotence of God does not work against our freedom, love and truth, because God is freedom, love, and truth.

The power of God is not like economic or military power, but is mercy and forgiveness…His mercy does not ignore the world, but transform it…

Never confuse the person, formed in the image of God, with the evil that is in him, because evil is but a chance misfortune, illness, a devilish reverie. But the very essence of the person is the image of God, and this remains in him despite every disfigurement.

St. John of Kronstadt

Another day, when I was upset because certain people did not respond to me with love, the Elder said, “Today, people ask to be loved and that is why they are disappointed. The right thing to do is not to care whether they love you or not at all, but rather, whether you love Christ and other people. This is the only way in which the soul is filled.

Elder Porfyrios of Greece

There are two kinds of love that the world passes as love.

One is true. The other is false.

False love says, “I love you so you can love me back.” It’s a co-dependent love. It’s manipulative. It’s insecure and jealous. Because it’s not really love.

True love says, “I love you—period.” I don’t expect anything back. I love you and set you free.

If you notice, this is very close to parental love.

Compared to married love, parental love is even more unselfish.

Parents don’t love their kids so someone can do the laundry for them. (At least, the good parents I know.) Parents love their kids because they want to set them free. Parents love their kids so they can one day watch them walk out of their home and conquer the world.